I have always been well-known because I remember myself. I was trying to accomplish my best so that individuals like me and that worked. I’m genuinely an easy-going individual who knows what to expect from life and how to shape the fact that I live in. Several of my buddies call me a philosopher for that I am often calm and rational and only I know what it prices to me. I am not complaining no way, but from time to time I just get much tired.
A few weeks ago I started my classes at photo school. The cost was rather high, but it was my dream of past A couple of months. The atmosphere of making images and witness transfer from my frame of reference had always attracted me during the best extent. My father is an amateur photographer; even so he can afford high-priced photo camera and a variety of lenses for himself. He had by no means studied photography anywhere practicing self-education. He has a big library of journals and magazines on this topic, so a received a large basis for my studying. Moreover, he presented me his old camera Nikon D70 with a kit lens, 18-70 mm, semi-professional, but with really outstanding characteristics. So, I saved dollars for your obtain of the new one, and was able to start promptly to generate my masterpieces. I must say that I am still incredibly shy photographer, as I cannot just photo reportages on a streets, as I am incredibly anxious what would men and women think of me, but I just adore doing portraits and close-ups, working in the model, looking for the best camera angle, installing studio light. I’m considering about buying some soft boxes for myself, but this concept refers to long-term goals.
My group at school is very nice. You will discover four boys and five girls, such as me. I communicate predominately with boys, as I am older then all girls are, and it is additional interesting to me. We joke and laugh a lot; I like their works and also the way they make pictures. It's important for my photographic experience to communicate with other photographs, to hear their opinion, to listen what they are saying with regards to my works and how do they percept them. But the a single hidden reason of my school attending is that I have usually dreamt about being a type or at least employed since it from time to time. I need to have professional shoots and that persons admired my beauty. And my dreams come genuine from lesson to lesson. Our teachers select me additional often to become the type for experiments with studio light and I am just incredibly content of that. And last Saturday we had the outside class to process landscape shooting with one more professional photographer and he was producing pictures of me all of the time. Probably he just liked me as a person, but it was really pleasant, even though I haven’t received the pictures yet.
After this class I met my buddies – Veronique and Mathias. They applied to go out about five years ago, and now they're just friends. Mathias is from Austria and came for a week to acquire fun with us. We walked round the city, making pictures of us altogether and predominantly silent. Mathias just isn't incredibly keen in English and he got tired very much when he speaks a lot. We decided to go towards the nightclub inside the evening and to show him how to blow up the stage.
I returned house to rest a little bit. As soon as I entered the house, recollections around the day prior to yesterday captured me again. I remembered the face, the music as well as the atmosphere and began to cry. It was my mother’s brother whose funeral that day. I can not even call him an uncle, as we had been in no way close and by no means communicated since I remember myself. When I learned about his death, I just said: “This is life. Somebody dies, somebody is born”. My heart was not cowering of any emotions, I was calm and accepted this simple fact as I do when I hear weather forecast. But as he was still our family, I decided to go towards the funeral to help my mother and grandmother, who had been entirely broken of this news. He was 47 years old, lived all his life in one more city and had no children. His wife died a couple of weeks before his dead. Doctors discovered a tumor in his brains, but I think that he can't permit her go. We arrived within the morning, my grandmother was already there. When she saw us she began keening just on the street though she already accepted the fact. For me it was a performance that I accidentally bought tickets at. I know that I am saying, as during the funeral she was calm and didn’t cry at all. There was an impression that she already rubbed though his death, as she was with him for a week within the hospital and when he died. As soon as the farewell ceremony started out and I entered the hall with eternity box, tears appeared on my eyes, but still I was ok. After I saw him, I began to cry bitterly. It was my first funeral and I have in no way noticed dead people before, but the reason was different. He was so beautiful and such a relief was printed on his face that he looked as a saint person. He was such as my grandfather and grand grandfather, whom I adore really much. I didn’t know what type of person was he once he was alive, but I realized that he was very type and talented. I can’t explain why I assumed that, but it was a business conviction. I was folding my mother in my arms, understanding that adore and relatives are probably the most essential things in life and it's sad when death makes you to understand that.
When I came back on the city, my emotional region stabilized already. I just accepted that death and let it pass although my heart and I am going to in no way forget it.
Going towards nightclub within the evening in these kinds of a case was not appropriate, but even now we gathered inside the most fashionable and popular nightclub at about 11 pm. There have been eleven of us, a half of our company I barely knew. But then we discovered out that there were no places at none in the six stores in the entertainment center. Me and Veronique went to talk towards the administrator:
Please, we require a table for eleven individuals for about a half an hour, just to have some drinks till the nightclub will be opened. Can you help us?
No, sorry, all big tables at all floors are reserved or taken. I am sorry, but I can’t help you.
But please, we require a table just in your half an hour.
Ok, I am going to ask about VIP for you, but please don't spill anything at white tablecloth.
In 3 minutes we have been already ordering drinks and feeling ourselves like VIP individuals who get everything for free.
I came back house at about Three AM. I didn’t need to rest at all. I began to consider my future, my family members and my friends. I was thinking about role of men in my life and my relationships with them. I felt deep pain as soon as thinking about my relationships. Was it one thing wrong with me or with him? I was not in a position to answer that question, but it was the only thing I was really certain at: nobody can tell me what to do and can make me believe pain. If the individual does so, then he just isn't for me, he is not real. From time to time I miss that guy, I miss his hugs and kisses, and also the way he named after we had been together, but I try being strong, as there's no sense in getting from the man, who doesn’t need to be with me. As genial Omar Hayam wrote: “Better to fast than take of every meat, Far better to live alone than mate with all”.
I realized that we are quarrelling about trifles and got mad at each other, but why are we producing that? Why can’t we enjoy what we have? Why do we spoil relationships with blames? We are just people. This is our weakness and strength simultaneously. And I will try to become patient and loving, as life it too short to digress for anger and rancor.
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